A good friend of mine recently made the decision to move with her partner out of State. We got together for a run and breakfast and talked about her plans for her career, cats, friends, and apartment. While talking through the details of her upcoming move, she shared with me that some of the top questions prior to her move were:
- How do you feel about moving for him?
- Do you feel comfortable moving without a ring on your finger?
This dear friend of mine is in her early 30’s, accomplished and has moved many places on her own. It made me think about my path and the moves I have made.
The 1st move I ever made was for college, I left my family and moved across several states to attend University. This move I made on my own, leaving my high school sweetheart behind, knowing that we would probably break up. The 2nd move I made was to the mountains to be a ski bum with my then boyfriend. He was doing well in his career and I was ready to switch it up and do something different. The 3rd move I made was from the mountains to the beach with the same guy who was now my spouse. This again was for my career and the opportunity to live in a completely different environment prior to settling in the city where we wanted to start our family. The 4th and final move I have made was with my spouse back to the city we wanted to make our forever home.
In looking at all my moves, I have never made a move that could be considered, for the person I was with. 3/4 of my moves have been with a special someone, who happened to be a man. I don’t believe he was questioned once about moving for me or about whether or not we should be engaged before we moved. In fact, I know that he was given a hard time the 1st time about moving for a girl and leaving his job behind. I guess that wasn’t a very manly thing to do.
Making changes in life is never easy, especially when it means uprooting your life and trying something completely different. Next time you hear about a couple moving somewhere new together…try and break the traditional gender assumptions. What would it look and feel like if we don’t assume that a woman is moving for her man? And what would it look and feel like if we don’t ask or assume that he should put a ring on it. Instead let’s just support the transition that two people are making together and leave the rest of it off the table.